Autumn Journal

Contents

Autumn Journal was an exercise written to explore poetry as process; A way to explore my locations and emotions in a three week period around the start of Autumn.

I want to acknowledge as inspiration The Narrow Road To The Deep North by Matsuo Bashō, the writing of Kate Camp and my brother's prodigious journal.

I also want to acknowledge Kāi Tahu and Kāti Māmoe, the tākata whenua of the land I live off and have written around.

This collection is dedicated to Erin Graham and Grandma.

These poems copyleft 2024 Giles Graham

I

  1. The rain came late;
  2. After the warning,
  3. After the wind
  4. And Ben had woken.
  5. That had been the first
  6. Journey outside:
  7. Outside the walls
  8. Of sleep, to the
  9. Wilderness of wakefulness
  10. In the night time.
  1. Only after that.
  1. So we woke to rain
  2. And a darkness
  3. Of many flashing lights.
  4. I had left things in the car.
  5. I returned downhill,
  6. Into weather that was everything
  7. We said it looked like
  8. From the living room,
  9. To retrieve my laptop.
  10. A piece of driftwood
  11. Off the beach
  12. In a storm.

II

  1. I didn't want to go
  2. But I warmed up.
  3. Sometimes there
  4. Is spiritual friction
  5. To overcome.
  1. I worked outside
  2. In the rain:
  3. Hallelujah.
  1. I form a barrier
  2. Of sorts; not clothes;
  3. It's hard to explain.
  4. The cold
  5. Does not come in,
  6. Or a furnace
  7. Turns on -
  8. 'The pressure from within'.
  9. I am proud of this.
  1. Shorts, singlet
  2. And a friend
  3. Digging holes in the rain
  4. Like a mechanical drum.

III

  1. It's been sunny
  2. All day now;
  3. I have nothing
  4. To write about.
  1. A blue sky closes
  2. Like a lid
  3. My writing mind.
  4. Talk to dinner
  5. Of our day,
  6. Breaking in new shoes
  7. And listening
  8. To my wife's resilience
  9. In the role
  10. Of motherhood.
  1. Each day brings enough
  2. To learn. I squint
  3. At the garden. All this
  4. Is good. All this
  5. is growth. All this
  6. Is patience. All this
  7. Is perpetual spinach

IV

  1. The pavement shook hands
  2. With the sky and promised
  3. 'We will be
  4. Equally warm'.
  5. We walked amidst
  6. This agreement;
  1. All of life
  2. Felt contracted
  3. To a stub.
  4. A full collapse
  5. Of distance
  6. And I couldn't
  7. Hold my milkshake
  8. Without Ben
  9. Taking the straw.
  1. You are tested
  2. Near the point of resolution:
  3. Just after baptism
  4. For some, or holding
  5. A milkshake that isn't
  6. For you

IX

  1. 'LoRa device'
  2. For communication
  3. In the wilderness.
  4. An unfamiliar term,
  5. Like 'cordage plant'
  6. By my son
  7. As we walked
  8. To kindergarton.
  9. It was getting colder.
  10. My other son
  11. On the exposed face
  12. Of my back.
  13. In my ear
  14. A man talking
  15. About Le Corbusier's
  16. Mistakes. The road
  17. Was being resealed,
  18. Grit spread over
  19. Bitumen. In the cold
  20. The grit might not
  21. Cohere. I have similar concerns.

V

  1. Interstitial space
  2. Outside, at a cafe
  1. Not home, but
  2. We brought dominoes
  1. And Alex, who watches
  2. Traffic, watched the waves.
  1. Adventure can be
  2. Doing the same thing
  3. Somewhere else.
  1. How did I change
  2. When we left,
  1. Knowing it would rain,
  2. And arrived to sun,
  3. and tides of wind?
  1. Relief like a small
  2. Hot drink. Yet
  1. The surprise meant so little
  2. On a day
  3. Already filled
  4. With more gladness
  5. Than this.

VI

  1. 'Some days
  2. I am verbose'
  3. This is struck out.
  1. Earlier
  2. I was outside
  3. In person
  4. Not in spirit.
  1. A golem
  2. Cutting grass
  1. But later
  2. On the far path
  3. Harbouring fungi
  1. I fell out
  2. Stone under water
  3. Breadcrumbs
  4. Id under the bush
  5. On the bridge
  6. In the sheltered park
  7. At the obscured crossing
  1. Observing a rising bar,
  2. smeared slate stratus

VII

  1. A map:
  2. My days
  3. Of narrowing paths
  4. Between worn
  5. Destinations.
  1. I draw in
  2. As if I am deciduous;
  1. As if I too
  2. Could prepare to peek
  3. Briefly over hills
  4. For six cold months.
  1. And I do:
  1. I gather wood;
  2. I stack it here,
  3. And here, and
  4. Finally, under
  5. The house.
  1. Patterns like this
  2. Made in still morning air
  3. Help me navigate
  4. The time.

VIII

  1. Potatoes
  1. Topaz tubers
  2. In charcoal soil
  1. Hard to distinguish
  2. From clods.
  3. A lesson in that.
  1. These flints glinting
  2. Under a vellum sky.
  1. Nothing else mattered
  2. When my hands
  3. Rooted in the mud
  4. Until they too
  5. Shone like spuds.
  1. Not that it had rained,
  2. Or that it would rain.
  1. In truth,
  2. Today I like rain
  3. And the affordance
  4. Of a fireplace,
  5. And extra blankets
  6. To listen from within.

X

  1. Still dark
  2. Small child
  3. To car
  4. Buying milk
  5. For breakfast.
  1. Eyes like new moons
  2. Still, dark,
  3. Quiet as frost
  4. On the window.
  1. Sometimes, early,
  2. I feel kinship,
  3. But today, we are
  4. A single rock thrown
  5. Into a lake
  6. That hasn't woken.
  1. I have small passage
  2. Beyond the boundaries
  3. of home, car
  4. Store. But the dawn
  5. Unbroken is a substance
  6. Present as air, pervading as blood

XI

  1. Set the sprinkler
  2. Too high.
  3. Set the sprinkler
  4. Too low.
  5. Set the sprinkler
  6. Too high.
  1. I am warming up
  2. In the morning
  3. Before I've left
  4. On my bike.
  1. A special joy:
  2. To take the
  3. Downhill bike
  4. On our path.
  5. So absurdly appropriate.
  1. Exercise presses
  2. My mind to the shape
  3. Of my body
  4. And my memory
  5. Is the voices of
  6. Shoulders, feet, tendons.

XII

  1. Like blossoms
  2. Bolettes and mushrooms
  3. Herald Autumn.
  1. Twenty nine years
  2. I have lived in this castle
  3. Before I learned what lies
  4. Behind those four doors,
  1. What peoples and processes
  2. Turn the wheels
  3. That stick only half out
  4. Of the ground.
  1. Should I eat
  2. You spongy thing?
  3. What gifts
  4. Have I passed up
  5. Because I was afraid?
  1. What cycles
  2. Have I ignored,
  3. Or overlooked,
  4. Or sabotaged?

XIII

  1. In cold weather
  2. There is space
  3. To breathe.
  1. But fadges
  2. Of weeds
  3. Are heavier
  4. And petulant,
  5. Like rainclouds
  6. On other days.
  1. Today rain drew
  2. Like a curtain
  3. Like an illness
  4. Draws the shutters
  5. On the mind.
  1. A day without
  2. malice
  3. But without warmth
  4. It's hard to write
  5. from the inside
  6. as such small parts
  7. of the gestalt.

XIV

  1. Bulb of onion weed
  2. crumpled face of a pillow
  3. Staring at the fire
  4. I forget
  5. Where I am.
  1. The sun slices
  2. From the north
  3. northwest
  4. Earlier passage.
  1. So go to sleep,
  2. Gentle fronds,
  3. Beneath the black
  4. I reapply
  5. Across the bank
  6. After the winds,
  7. The other week,
  8. Had pulled it off.
  1. One of the many
  2. Mundane things.
  1. Baby monitor by the bed;
  2. A shell pressed to my ear.

XV

  1. Stuck
  2. In
  3. Sunlight
  1. Both
  2. Kids
  3. Asleep
  1. Momentum
  2. Arrested
  3. By
  4. 1
  5. pm
  1. Morning
  2. Thoughts
  3. Slid
  4. Off
  5. Like
  6. Cellophane
  7. On an
  8. Overhead
  9. Projector

XVI

  1. Where
  2. Do squandered hours
  3. Go? they pool
  1. With the water
  2. In the calm
  1. Corner of my
  2. Backyard. I can't
  3. Reclaim them, but
  1. I can
  2. Stand still,
  1. After chopping
  2. kindling,
  3. And the sun
  1. Can refract
  2. Through the
  3. Time
  1. And the noise
  2. From the motorway
  3. Attenuate in
  4. The treacle
  5. Of leisure.

XVII

  1. Such and such
  2. A distance walked:
  3. Not the same
  4. When biked,
  5. Or driven,
  6. Or planned.
  1. The night
  2. Is warm
  3. And the people
  4. Cheerful
  1. My space
  2. and time
  3. Unwind in the
  4. Emptiness
  1. and suddenly
  2. the sun goes down
  3. The phone rings
  4. I spray a wasp nest.
  1. The night is warm
  2. Alone I am fomenting
  3. Already waylaid plans.

XVIII

  1. Halfway weather
  2. Uncommited.
  1. All plans
  2. Waiting.
  1. Washing hung
  2. Tentatively
  3. Hopes suspended.
  1. To stay
  2. Might be potential
  3. Wasted;
  1. To go,
  2. Waterlogged mistake.
  1. And we don't
  2. Deal well
  3. WIth hypotheticals.
  1. A number dropped
  2. Off our letterbox;
  3. Our address is hazy,
  4. Diffracted. If I could
  1. I too would take
  2. Both paths at once.

XIX

  1. Somewhere
  2. The wind is
  3. Banging
  4. A door
  1. I went to find it
  2. in the midnight
  3. horror wash
  1. aliens:
  2. sunflowers
  1. tentacles:
  2. weedmat
  1. dragged up
  2. over the path
  1. O Banal terror
  2. Of windblown refuse
  3. where duty comes
  4. As nightmare

XX

  1. Soft clay
  2. after rain.
  1. If I press
  2. I can lose my spade.
  1. Measuring tape
  2. Post-hole digger
  3. Level
  1. Levelling
  2. Utility names
  3. for utility tools.
  1. Towards midday
  2. The holes fill up
  3. With light
  1. And so
  2. Do I

XXI

  1. In my end is my beginning
  1. Rain
  2. And darkness.
  3. Streetlights throbbing
  4. Through the mist.
  1. I make the same
  2. Ginger descent
  3. To the car
  4. But it is empty.
  1. What I came for
  2. What I have been
  3. Coming for
  4. Is spent.
  1. The night
  2. Is drawing in. The zucchini
  3. Are dying. The spinach
  4. Is cropping. The flowers
  5. Are brow beaten
  1. I have said exactly
  2. What everything looked like
  3. For 21 days.